My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years. However, for the last year and a half, our sex life has been almost non-existent. I've tried being smooth, taking her on vacations, taking her out to dinner, coming on sensual, coming on strong, but sh
You . You already received a very insightful response from dr. Kardener. I agree with talking (not when you are upset) with your girlfriend. Ask if she has noticed a difference with your sexual intimacy. Ask her if she has insights as to why this has changed. Ask her for specific input about she believes would make this a better experience for her individually and for you as a couple. Sometimes for men, the objective of the lovey stuff can be to have sex. Sometimes for women, the sex is an expression of the lovey stuff or the lovey stuff is the objective of the sex. Ask her where her head is at. Is she uber busy? Is she depressed? Etc. Most importantly how does she feel about the emotional intimacy that the two of you share.
For . For the first two year of your relationship from what you describe things were going well and there was a satisfactory sex life as part of your relationship. Then something happened that precipitated a withdrawal from physical intimacy. The question you ask is centered upon what it was then caused the change. One possibility is that a physical problem developed making intercourse unpleasant and therefore she withdrew but didn't feel she could discuss it with you. You do not indicate your ages, but I am assuming that you are not in your middle or late life phase when such problems, especially associated with menopausal dryness for women can create a painful experience with intercourse. Her gynecologist should in any even be made aware of this change to see if that doctor can offer any assistance. The more likely issue, if you are younger, is that something happened psychologically that has precipitated the withdrawal. Sometimes, as a relationship moves more toward being "the one, " anxiety coming from prior experiences in the family of origin or other close experiences creep into anticipating difficulty ahead. In such a case, a partner may begin to shut down and become more guarded. The paradox of course is that anticipating a loss can lead to anxiety, causing the withdrawal and the potential of what has been termed "fulfilling a worst expectation." it is important that in addition to to efforts you have made which have not been successful, you sit down with her and talk about your concern with the change that has occurred and ask her if she recognizes that change and can she talk about it with you. Your assuring her that you will listen, without being judgmental or taking her fears personally, which after all might be why she has not spoken up thus far. This is not an easy task, that of being a good listener, especially when there can be a temptation to refute her concerns or defend against her fears rather than listening to them. In that case, it is important that you offer the opportunity for the two of you to speak with a mental health professional or a qualified minister, to discuss what otherwise might inadvertently end up being in reality the feared fantasy about emotional intimacy she may have. It is a worthwhile endeavor as it will set a pattern of communication that is essential for a successful long term relationship.
It . It appears that she has intimacy issues and i would recommend her getting evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist.