6 doctors weighed in:

Why do borderlines sabotage their own interpersonal relationships?

6 doctors weighed in
Dr. Alan Ali
Psychiatry
2 doctors agree

In brief: Borderline

Chronic feelings of emptiness & guilt & despair with lack of trust in others, along with idealization/devaluation sense, make their relationships shaky & short-lasting as they fear rejection the closer they get to someone.

In brief: Borderline

Chronic feelings of emptiness & guilt & despair with lack of trust in others, along with idealization/devaluation sense, make their relationships shaky & short-lasting as they fear rejection the closer they get to someone.
Dr. Alan Ali
Dr. Alan Ali
Thank
Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli
Clinical Psychology
1 doctor agrees

In brief: BPD

Individuals with this difficulty long for love but are incredibly sensitive to rejection and quite suspicious they will be abandoned.
When they experience loss and disappointment they can easily fragment internally and become extremely angry. Best.

In brief: BPD

Individuals with this difficulty long for love but are incredibly sensitive to rejection and quite suspicious they will be abandoned.
When they experience loss and disappointment they can easily fragment internally and become extremely angry. Best.
Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli
Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli
Thank
Dr. Pamela Pappas
Psychiatry
1 doctor agrees

In brief: Not on purpose

They don't do it on purpose, really.
Instead, they have difficulty maintaining an inner image of their partner still being basically "good, " during times of disappointment. During such experiences it's as if the good times never existed, and they're aware of only pain and rage. Feelings about the partner gyrate from idealization to devaluation, quickly enough to damage the relationship.

In brief: Not on purpose

They don't do it on purpose, really.
Instead, they have difficulty maintaining an inner image of their partner still being basically "good, " during times of disappointment. During such experiences it's as if the good times never existed, and they're aware of only pain and rage. Feelings about the partner gyrate from idealization to devaluation, quickly enough to damage the relationship.
Dr. Pamela Pappas
Dr. Pamela Pappas
Thank
2 comments
Dr. Adam Front
There is also research that indicates that individuals diagnosed with Borderline Personality tend to interpret neutral facial expression and nonverbal behavior as negative - so if your face and voice are not expressing any sort of emotional tone, they may read you as feeling negative toward them, which can lead them to become hostile and defensive with you.
Dr. Pamela Pappas
Yes, this would be an example of those "times of disappointment" I was trying to describe.
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