I always feel like killing myself?

See doctor. You should not be alone. I recommend you see a priest, rabbi, pastor today/now (does not cost you anyhting). I recommend you see a doctor as well, and a psychologist as soon as possible. I suggest you talk to a friend or relative about this who can be aware of this today. If you think you will hurt yourself then go to er now.
As above. This is serious, if u feel that u need to seek treatment at next available hospital immediately.