Severe OCD. You sound very uncomfortable, and although you haven't really asked a question i suggest you see a psychiatrist for these issues asap. There are good treatments for ocd, which is a type of anxiety disorder. Both psychotherapy and medications (as needed) can be employed to help you. If you are thinking of harming yourself in any way, please do not wait -- go to an er or call 911.
Seek help. The troubles you describe sound very intense and difficult to manage on your own. Please seek a consultation with a psychiatrist, psychologist, or other mental health professional. The professional you choose can help you decide how best to overcome these symptoms, which might include a plan with medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of both.
DEPRESSION/OCD. Get an evaluation from a psychiatrist to help identify what depression/OCD means to you and whatever else may be bothering you. Consider recommendations for medication if any are given. Get a referral for a reputable psychotherapist to speak with. Meds and therapy combined are most optimal; no just one or the other.